Hello lovelies! I’ve missed you. March has been a crazy month, and truth be told, I’m excited to put it behind me. Towards the beginning of the month, I had to take a midnight trip to the E.R. to treat what ended up being extreme dehydration due to the Urinary Tract Infection that I didn’t know I had. It was a terrifying experience, because my symptoms made me act like my brain was full of swiss cheese – vertigo, cycles of fever and chills followed by puking my guts up, and (most fun of all) losing the use of my vocabulary. Yup. For a while there we were worried that maybe I was having a stroke or some shit, and I felt like death warmed over.
Thankfully, it wasn’t terribly serious (though seriously frightening), and 3 weeks later I’m happy to report I’ve made a full recovery. All it took was rest, antibiotics, and drinking so much water my eyeballs floated – and here I am, finally starting to do some of the things I enjoy again. But as much as I joke around and say that the invincibility I enjoyed in my 20s has finally gone since I just turned 30 … the fact is, this really did shake me up.
I think this was the first time I’ve really felt mortal, and that’s saying something. I mean my 20s can be chronicled by What Was I Diagnosed With This Time, not to mention my father’s death. It’s not like I was a stranger to life-altering events. But maybe that’s just it – it always seemed life altering, like I assumed that there would always be more life to have.
Sorry. I didn’t mean to get melodramatic all over your computer screen. *wipe, wipe* For all of that fear and depression, there has been a lot of affirmation going on as well. For one thing, if this had happened to me 3 years ago, I’d probably still be wallowing – so it’s nice to be reminded of how much I’ve healed and grown as a person. Feeling so vulnerable has made me appreciate how many blessings I really have. And in a way, it’s made me re-evaluate what I’m doing with my life.
Having to slow my pace to a full-stop was an extremely humbling experience. In the past year, I’ve felt very proud of how much I’ve been able to juggle without breaking a sweat. Pursuing this business has been a dream come true, and I’ve loved feeling like I have a purpose and a passion to follow again. I’ve loved having the chance to be a home maker, to pour love and time into my family and the home we’ve built. But if I’m honest with myself (and I feel I have to be, having just had my very own cosmic Intervention) – I haven’t found a sustainable stride yet. I’ve always known I have a tendency to throw myself into whatever I pursue, but I didn’t really let myself slow down enough to see what kind of physical and emotional toll that’s been taking on me lately. So I’m going to make some changes.
I don’t know what they’ll look like yet. Am I going to scratch something of my list of Shit To Do? Am I going to keep everything, but slow it down? I do know one thing – I need to prioritize my health. It seems like such a cliche, but I guess there’s something to it after all: I really need to put me first.
So be prepared for some changes in how I run this blog, because I think this can be a great tool for me while I heal. I’ve always tried to model it after some of my favourite professional bloggers, keeping things somewhat impersonal, kitschy, and brief. But if I’m honest, that’s not really my style. Nothing may come of all my effort here – but I’ve started to realize that that’s true no matter what I do. I might as well make a mess of it my way.
The theme of my blog and my shop has always been “celebrating enchanted living”. It’s something I’m passionate about, creating beauty even when everything around you feels kinda crappy. Somewhere along the way I’ve stopped applying it to me though, and it’s about time I fixed that. Wish me luck.