Hey you! I’m so glad you’re here! What have you been up to lately? I hope things are going well – or that you are blessed with the strength to cope with what’s not.
I finally posted some of my projects on My Etsy! I’m so proud of myself. It’s taken roughly a year to get my act together- to listen to the Yoda-conscience angel sitting on my shoulder. He keeps reminding me that I should do or do not, that there is no try, but I’m a pretty thick headed mortal and keep acting like I know better. This approach has not worked well for me.
So! Etsy Listings! You’re not going to believe this, but last week I realized that the Number One Reason none my products have sold is that no one could buy them! Before you back away from me like I’m a crazy person (which may be true, but there’s really no need to get all rude about it!), allow me to explain:
I am a woman of many skills. I am smart, I am funny, I am musical, I am artistic… but I’d have to say my most finely-honed skill would have to be Getting In My Own Damn Way. If I were to compete in the Emotional Olympics, I would totally win at Not Winning Because You Didn’t Start Shit. There’s totally a medal for Not Winning. Try not to be jealous. You can try again in four years.
I started this Crazy Entrpreneurial Adventure about a year ago. I made a few things. I even listed them, and bought business cards! And then I got a special brand of crazy-overwhelmed, and kept stopping. I stopped trying to let anyone know I had awesome stuff for sale. I made a few things and didn’t list them. And then I let all my listings lapse. But worst of all, I stopped believing I could make this happen.
Losing hope is a scary thing. The hopelessness itself is awful, don’t get me wrong, but I think the worst part (at least for me) is how easy it is to Slip Into. I used to believe that the horrible way it snowballed was some kind of unstoppable force, and I was along for the ride til it somehow decided to stop. But the past year has taught me something (even if that something wasn’t Winning At Selling Stuff Online)- Hoplessness is a muscle, a skill, just as much as doing the splits or saying no to that next scoop of ice cream because I value my stable blood sugar levels. Ahem. Muscle.
So, my years of practicing meditation came in handy, because I remembered that it’s far easier to work with something than it is to work against it. So instead of trying to practice Not Feeling Hopeless, I started to imagine that maybe I could also practice being Hopeful, or being Patient, or being Nice To Myself For A Change as well. And sure enough, it’s helped. I still sometimes feel hopeless, or convinced that I’m not good enough, or afraid of failure (and also success!)… but I’m also quicker to remind myself now that those feelings will pass. That I am much more than a sum of my broken parts. That just because I’m scared of what the future holds does NOT mean that the future is Scary. Change is harder if we hold on to things for dear life. I’ve been learning to relax and enjoy the ride.
I hope this was a helpful reminder to you, too Dear. Remember to relax a little – you might be pleasantly surprised by what you’re fighting so hard against.